There Is Beauty In The Breakdown

That awkward moment when you type an entire blog and then accidentally delete it.. I’m mad. 

Life has been rough. like, really rough. I get into these moods where i just hate everyone and everything and i dont know what to do about them. I shut everyone out because its the only thing i can control when i feel this way. I think about how far i’ve come in the last 9 months and that gives me hope. but things are still rough and i feel lost and alone. I dont really have a lot of close friends that i can talk to and connect with. people might not believe this, but i really am socially awkward and i dont know how to make friends. i dont know how to open up and get close to people. I’m so scared for next year because all of the people i’ve been able to get close to and connect with are going off to different colleges than me and i feel like i have to start all over. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. i don’t even know who i am anymore. I don’t like this.

And just like that I’m graduated. feels so weird. I dont know if it’s a good weird, or a bad weird.

Sometimes I’m so rude to the people that I care for the most. I don’t understand why. You’d think if someone cares about me I’d want to show them how much I care for them. Not just make them feel horrible. Why am I so screwed up.

I’m hurting you so much. I’m so sorry.

For some reason I feel so guilty for what happened on Friday.

I wish I could be normal.

My brain needs control.

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So much to say… No words to say it.

My mind is a dangerous place..

Temptation

Tonight’s a night the devil is seriously tempting me. Lord give me strength..